First the influencers and manosphere loons added protein to ice cream, and I did not care because I rarely eat ice cream. Then they added it to popcorn, and I did not care because I rarely eat popcorn. Now they’re adding it to coffee creamer, and I am forced to care because I am hopelessly addicted to coffee, caffeine, and anything even remotely gimmicky in this space.
Memes aside, protein feels is everywhere these days. The usual suspects blame it on the rise of wellness culture, the rightward lurch of America’s political gestalt, and the noxious fumes emitted by the sputtering late-stage capitalist machine we’re all strapped into, whether we like it or not. The proverbial ship is sinking. You might as well get jacked and do your part to keep the economy whirring while you can.
Protein is not the only thing intrepid Shopify-powered wellness brands are encouraging you to add to coffee, but it’s certainly the most high-profile and zeitgeist-y adjunct to pour into your daily brew. Mushroom extracts, nootropics, amino acids, collagen, and a bevy of other chemical compounds purported to make your brain fire on all cylinders are all fair game here, which means the possibilities in this space are nearly endless. Coffee may be the final frontier of protein creep, and we are absolutely here for it.
To get a lay of the land, I rigorously tested eight readily available functional coffee add-ins to determine which are legit and which are losers. I spent a week with each, adding the dosage detailed in the serving size section of the nutrition facts panel to an 8-ounce cup of coffee. A few explicitly instructed us to add the dose to a larger cup of liquid, in which case we upped the amount of coffee used as a base. The coffee I used was a single-origin Guatemalan bean roasted by Atlas Coffee Club. It was brewed in a Fellow Aiden on the light roast Guided Brew setting in 5-cup batches.
Be sure to check out our many coffee-related buying guides, including the Best Drip Coffee Makers, the Best Coffee Subscriptions, the Best Coffee Concentrates, and the Best Gifts for Coffee Lovers.
Best Add-In for Boozehounds
If your Instagram algorithm is anything like mine you’ve probably seen targeted ads for Javvy’s Protein Creamer, which has mysteriously replaced the Collagen Creamer on almost every corner of the internet. The bag says it contains 10 grams of protein, yet it also says that said protein is 0% of your daily nutritional allotment. To further compound the Mandela Effect surrounding this purchase, Amazon replaced the former with the latter in my order history. I can tell you with utmost certainty that I tried the Collagen Creamer, and I wholeheartedly endorse it even if it ends up being some Tyler Durden-esque figment of my imagination.
A 22-gram dose of this vibrant white powder will feel like a lot in an 8-ounce coffee, but it dissolves seamlessly and adds a tinge of vanilla aroma to the cup. The sweetness that buzzes around the aftertaste arrives via Purified Acacia Hyrdolysate, aka Sukre®, which is a nice substitute for the uncanny sugary tang of stevia that’s so popular in bougie beverages and supplements these days. The mouthfeel is gentle and creamy, with a nice halo of froth atop the cup. This is not something my body could handle on a daily basis now that the excellent brewing skills of the Fellow Aiden have effectively weaned me off coffee creamer, but it’s a nice treat when you’re hungover or stuck with a subpar coffee situation.
Though collagen is at the front and center of this product, I can’t present any empirical evidence that it did anything to undo the harm of two-plus decades of alcohol consumption, plus a decade in the dreary Pacific Northwest. The argument regarding the quantifiable benefits of collagen seems unsettled as of yet, though my skin did feel much less irritated than usual after a weekend of eating, drinking, and couchlock around the Thanksgiving holiday, so I’ll take that as a win nonetheless.
Calories100 per 22g doseKey ingredients11g of collagen, MCTs, prebiotics, 10g proteinAllergensDairyBest for Bulking/Meal ReplacementLaird Superfood
Protein Creamer
Laird Superfood takes its name from cofounder Laird Hamilton, an infamously aggro big-wave surfer who’s best known for being Kevin Costner’s stunt double in the 1995 clunker Waterworld. Hamilton and sand volleyball superstar Gabrielle Reece, his wife, founded Laird Superfood in 2015 with the mission of helping the wellness-curious “take something [they] do every day and make it better.” I don’t drink protein powder every day, but I do drink enough coffee to drift into space quite often and fantasize about what my life would be like if I had the cojones to get towed by jet ski into a 50-foot wave in Tahiti and hope for the best, like Hamilton did in 2000.
Adding dairy-based protein to acidic light roast coffee can be a chunky affair, so it was a pleasant surprise to find that the rib-sticking dose of protein (12g) and saturated fat (10g) that highlights this chunky tan powder is 100% vegan and derived from pumpkins, hemp, and peas. The dehydrated coconut milk does most of the heavy lifting as far as flavor and aroma is concerned, so if your palate is not ready for the hefty whiff of tropical sweetness that emanates from the bag, then you may want to look elsewhere.
Coconut aversions notwithstanding, this magical dust is a great pick for anyone who wants to add a little more oomph to their morning brew, whether that be some extra protein for gains, or an extra hit of nutrients and satiety that might ward off a pre-lunch snack attack here and there.
Calories200 per 39g serving in a 12oz cup of coffeeKey ingredientsPea protein, pumpkin seed protein, hemp protein, lion’s mane, cordyceps, chaga, maitakeAllergensCoconutBest Entry-Level OptionEarth Fed Muscle
Morning Charge
Rather than overwhelm the senses with a menagerie of bold flavors and pumped-up protein, Earth Fed Muscle plays it safe with a mellow, understated creamer that’s just what you want and nothing more. The key selling points on Morning Charge’s package are 4 grams of collagen and 500 milligrams of Lion’s Mane Extract per serving, plus a light dusting of protein (4 grams per dose) that rounds it off quite nicely without filling you up like an in-your-face protein creamer. An extensive list of amino acids is listed, highlighted by 880 milligrams of Glycine and 408 milligrams of Hydroxyproline.
Both the “cream” and the sweetness in Morning Charge come from coconut milk and sugar, respectively, which is appreciated if you’re put off by sugar substitutes like Stevia and Sucralose. A light tinge of coconut sweetness hits the front of the palate, and a warm finish of bittersweet chocolate and the faintest hint of savory mushroom notes complement the swallow. The texture is smooth and unobtrusive, letting the quality of your coffee (or lack thereof) poke through the flavor profile. This is a solid everyday sipper that’s built for comfort first and performance second.
Calories80 per 17g servingKey ingredientsCollagen, lion’s mane, amino acidsAllergensCoconut
